Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My Friend

I am missing a friend. This post is sad, so don't go any further if you aren't needing sad today.

Several years ago, I met my friend when she was a traveling nurse and came to the Labor and Delivery floor of the hospital I was working in. We hit it off almost immediately and became really close friends. We worked well together at work and away from it.

After working together for a while, she moved on to another state, many removed from me. However, we continued to stay in touch. We never got to meet up again in person though.

One day, I came home and found a message waiting for me on my machine. She asked me to call her when I got in. When I did, she told me that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months before, but hadn't told me. She said that she had tried chemo and all that stuff, but it wasn't working. She said that she had told the docs to stop giving her the poison and she would live to be living, instead of living sick.

I, didn't like this at all, but she told me that she was good with it. She was going to spend time being with family and friends and when the end came, she would be able to say that she was ready.

At the end of September, I was told that they were going to celebrate Christmas in a couple of weeks since it would likely be her last one. She had a tree and all the trimmings. She wanted so much for me to bring The Boy to her so that we could have Thanksgiving together and so she could take him to a place that has all sorts of monkeys she said.

Just after she celebrated her final Christmas with family, I decided to send her some balloons so she would know how much she was missed and would be missed. I went to our local place that sends this type of thing and told them what I wanted. That person had to call a shop in the same town my friend was in, several states away.

I told them that I needed a balloon for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July and Birthday. They lady on my end looked at me funny, but when I explained it through my tears, both her and the one on the phone started crying and digging through their stash of balloons. Do you realize how hard it is to find an Easter balloon the first of October?!

They found everything except the Valentine's Day balloon, but happened to have found, stashed in the back of their shop, a monkey holding a heart. How appropriate! I really think they gave me a great price, but it wouldn't have mattered about the cost.

That evening, I called my friend to make sure she got the delivery. She said that she was so glad that I had called her to tell her that The Boy and I made it home safely from visiting her earlier in the day. She said that she was glad that we had gotten to visit and she had been able to give us hugs and laugh with us like we used to do.

I told her that I loved her and she told me the same. Those were the last words we spoke to each other. She died a couple weeks later.

I am glad that we had that last conversation. I wish it could have been face to face though. We didn't get to see her during the last year of her life. We were several states away from each other and by the time I was able to go to her, she was too sick to want us around her.

My friend has been gone for several years, but have you ever seen the guy on tv that says he communicates with those who have died? I watch him sometimes and wonder if my friend would ever try to communicate through him or if she is already communicating if I will just stop and listen.

Maybe when I cover oreos in chocolate because I know that she liked them so much, it is her talking to me. Maybe when I think of making snow angels in the parking lot of the hospital when there was only about 2 inches of snow on the ground, it is her. It probably is her when I laugh about how the security guards stood laughing at us. Or when a certain song comes on that we used to love and sing loudly to even though neither of us could sing.

And I am almost certain that it was her that caused me to have such severe pain in my chest that I almost passed out at my desk at almost the exact minute that she died. (Of course, I didn't know until an hour later that was what the pain meant.)

I just miss my friend and I wish she was here so that I could tell her about my husband. And about how The Boy is learning how to drive. She would be so proud of it all. I miss her.

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