Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to any and all who read this!  I am hoping that you are all spending time with your family and friends and counting all of your blessings.

I thought I would make a list of things that I am thankful for.  They are listed in no particular order!

I am thankful for:

The Boy.  Without him, I would not be anything important.  I also would not have a clue what patience and understanding truly are if it weren't for him.

My Crazy Man.  He loves me no matter how ridiculously irrational I am.  He is truly the love of my life.  He makes me laugh when nobody else can or even attempts to try.

My family.  And that includes my family-in-law.  Most of them accept me for who I am.  For those who don't, then they can still have a happy Thanksgiving!

Plenty of food to eat and money to buy it with.  There are many out there that don't have either.  I have been there before and I hope and pray that I won't have to go there again any time soon.

A house and clothes to keep us warm and dry.

My friends.  I don't have a bunch of them, but the ones that I can count have taught me just what true friendship means.

My pets.  They have taught me about unconditional love.

Several days off in a row from work.  This is pretty self explanatory.  I am thankful that I have a job to have those days off from work however. 

All of the kids that I take care of.  They point out to me all the time the things that adults seem to miss.  Innocence is a good thing at times!  They remind me that being a kid is sometimes just as hard as being an adult.  They also remind me to look for the funny.

The men and women of our military.  A lot of these people are miles away from their own families.  Some of them just states away and others countries away.  For some of them, they are away from their family for the first time ever for a holiday.  Some are on a battlefield.  For everyone of them, I am thankful.  Because of them, I am able to write all of what I have written.  I am able to raise my son and give him all he needs.  I am able to spend time with my family because these men and women are away from theirs.  

May God bless each and everyone of those who are reading this.  And may you sit down and make your very own list.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


I realize that it has been several days since I made a post on here.  I also realize that I may be talking to myself!  Matter of fact, when I first started this blog thing, I was talking to myself.  It seems that I have found a handful of followers, so maybe now I can't be accused of being crazy and talking to myself.

Sorry.....tangent started and I didn't know how to get out of it until it just finished itself!

Anyway...yes, it has been several days since I have been here.  The funeral was as nice as any funeral is I guess.  Geez...what am I supposed to say about a funeral other than there was one and it was just that?!

I have irrational fears of funerals.  Now, I know a lot of people don't like attending funerals, but actually attending doesn't cause all out panic in me.  I knew before going to this funeral that there is one thing that causes all out panic in me and since attending this funeral, I now know there is another.

When my uncle died several years ago, I had the misfortune to witness the funeral director closing the lid of the casket and sealing it just before the service.  How could this be a problem?

Well, when the funeral home does their job by making the dearly departed look as though they are just sleeping, it tricks the mind into thinking just that.  However, we all know that convincing the heart is an entirely different matter.  Therefore, when this man closed the lid of the casket, sealing my uncle inside, I began crying and having trouble breathing.  I couldn't sleep for days and still have nightmares about this.

I was terrified that this would happen at Crazy Man's Aunt's funeral this past weekend.  Fortunately, it didn't.  The funeral home waited until everyone had filed past the casket one last time and then went outside to wait until it was loaded into the hearse.  The door was then closed to the building, and then the casket was closed.  

My new fear was realized the night before.  We had been at the visitation for nearly six hours before we were able to leave.  Once everyone was ready to go, they all just picked up their things and out the door we went.  Several members of the family went to the local Steak-N-Shake, including me and Crazy Man.  When we left, I had an odd feeling take over.  However, it didn't kick in until a couple hours later when we went back to get my car. 

When we got back to pick up my car (because Crazy Man made it in from his job just in time to meet us at the funeral home), I started to cry.  It took me a few minutes to realize what the problem was.  

I said before that everyone just picked up their stuff and left the funeral home.  That is what the problem was.  Everyone just left.  I can only explain it like this:  this woman had been alive for 59 years, a wife for 41 of those and a mom for nearly 40.  I seriously doubt that anyone in her life had just walked away from her without saying "good-bye" or "see ya later" or even "love ya".  Why should that night have been any different?  And yet it was.

I know...totally irrational. I admit it!  The mind knows, but the heart is not convinced.  And as long as I am admitting irrationalities when it comes to funerals, I also have to say that I have difficulty walking in a cemetery.  Most people just walk wherever they want to.  I have to walk several feet away from the front of the stone or directly behind the stone.  Why?  Because if I don't do it that way, I feel as though I am walking on the person buried there.  And that is wrong in many many ways.

Again, totally irrational.  Can't help it!  I am sure that there are others out there that have irrational thoughts and actions when it comes to funerals.  I can not possibly be the only one!

Moving on....

The DNA donor did manage to show up to get The Boy at the funeral home.  However, there was texting between The Boy and him.  How did that happen since I made The Boy leave his phone in the car?  Well, The Boy went out to get his phone and see if the DNA donor was there yet.  When he wasn't, they began to text back and forth.  The Boy was told to meet out at the car to be picked up.  There were no words from the DNA donor to me.  And I liked it that way!

The Boy did ok at the funeral home.  He stayed there for about 2 1/2 hours.  I think that is probably the first time that he really was in a funeral home for any real length of time.  I can not imagine how he will react when he has to be there for a lot longer plus for the funeral itself.  Especially when his mom will be a blubbering idiot. (Worse than she is now, I should clarify!)  There will be a time in the probably not so distant future when this will occur since my grandfather is in his 90s and my grandmother is in her 80s.  Now, mind you, I am not looking forward to this time because these two people mean more to me than I could ever explain.  But, I know in my mind that this will happen.  Again, another thing of trying to rationalize it all to the heart.

Today is only a half day at school/work.  We then don't have to be back until next Monday.  These days off could not have come soon enough.  I am just so tired.  Physically and emotionally. 

Don't see me becoming any less tired on these several days off though.  When we leave school today, I am headed home to start to make a couple of cheesecakes.  We will be going to two different places tomorrow for Thanksgiving and I will be taking a cheesecake and a sweet potato casserole to each place.  So, I have to get those things started today.  I will try to get pictures of them so I can post about how they turned out on here next week.  Keep your fingers crossed that they taste decent!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Take My Ex....Please

Do ex-husband's have to take a class to learn to be first class jerks? Is that something that is written in the fine print of the divorce decree? Or do they have to really study this to perfect it? Or, maybe it is just something they are born with and once they are rejected in whatever manner, it kicks in against the woman who rejected them.

Crazy Man's aunt was diagnosed with liver cancer about 3 months ago I think. Things progressed quickly and she was put into hospice care last Tuesday. Two days ago, she died. It has been a chaotic whirlwind since Saturday. Everyone seemed to know that it wouldn't be very long. I saw her on Sunday and tried to prepare Crazy Man, but how can you be prepared for anything like that?

Tuesday, we didn't get home until late and ended up going to bed without eating. (The Boy had been with his DNA donor and had already had supper.) Crazy Man was up really early to get on the road Wednesday morning. He didn't make it home last night until 9:40 pm and was out the door by 3:45 this morning.

Because I am not a girly girl, I am struggling trying to find something appropriate for the visitation and funeral. Luckily, one of my friends that I work with said that she would come over this afternoon after school and help me find something that will work.

The Boy is supposed to be with his DNA donor this weekend. When I told him that we would be discussing as to whether he would need to be at the funeral if it took place on Saturday, this such and such told me that he would have no problem with The Boy attending the funeral "as long as you remember this and it won't be a problem when this happens with my wife's family." He then says "and you are going to drive to us to pick him up, right?"

At that point, I began to cry because the death had occurred less than 2 hours prior to this. I just told him that I was not going to argue with him and even though he wanted to make me out to be the biggest jerk in the world, I had no intention of ever keeping my son from attending a funeral of a family member. as long as it was appropriate. I told him that I was trying to do what was right for my family and he would just need to get over himself.

Last night when I found out for certain when everything was and what Crazy Man and I had decided about The Boy's attendance, I called the DNA donor and let him know.

We had decided that it would be best for The Boy to attend the visitation on Friday and not the funeral on Saturday. I told him that we would be leaving school a couple hours early and that he could then pick him up at the funeral home at 5:30pm. I asked that he come inside and find me so that I would know when he left.

I was told that I should just have him waiting outside at 5:30 because it would be disrespectful for him to come inside. I told him that it would be even more disrespectful for me to be watching a clock and that I would probably be having more on my plate than trying to keep an eye on the time. He then said that The Boy could "set an alarm on his phone."

Wait. Setting an alarm would not be considered to be disrespectful?! Since when?!

The phone call ended when I just told him that he needed to be at the funeral home at 5:30pm to pick up The Boy and that I would need to be aware when The Boy left. End of discussion, have a good night, I'm done.

I am sure that this will be an issue when 5:30 on Friday evening rolls around. Then again, with Crazy Man standing there, it probably won't be. After all, the DNA donor only wishes to control my life and upset me. After looking back on it all, I realize that he has always been like that towards me.

I am beginning to think that maybe it is just something these men are born with, and are therefore destined to become someone's ex. It's just that on days/weeks like this, I wish he were someone else's ex.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ready? Set? Fire!!

Ahhh....the first day of deer season.

The sound of wild animals trying to be really quiet so they don't find part of themselves mounted on some guy's wall and other parts of themselves packaged in the guy's freezer. And the sound of hunters trying to be really quiet so that they can make the deer's worst nightmare become their own dream.

The crack of gunfire.

The sight of a deer looking over his/her shoulder wondering just what the heck that sound was.

The sight of that same deer running in a zigzag across the field and then falling down.

The grin on the guy's face as he watches the deer fall.

The swagger in the man's step as he makes his way to where the animal fell.

The look on his face when he gets to the area the animal fell and realizes that there is no deer there.

The love felt in his woman's heart when he drags her outside with a flashlight just before dark to hunt for a deer that he swears he shot.

The quick talking of the hunter and his loving wife trying to convince the conservation agents that they are not really spotlighting deer, but are using the flashlights and headlights of the truck to find the blood trail that is really right here! And yes, this is our land!

The sound of laughter when she tries to convince him that the deer that he swears he shot and just knows it fell right here actually fell down laughing at him because there is no way in the world that this man truly shot such a lovely creature.

These things are what deer season has been like for the past three years at my house. Can't imagine that this year will be much different! For that matter, I don't think that I want it to be any different!

If this year turns out to be any different, I will definitely let you know. I would love for things to remain the same, because how can you do anything but laugh about the situation?!

Although I would like for my Crazy Man to get his first ever deer. Because he just wants it so much. And because I love him so much and want him to be a happy hunter.

But then we couldn't laugh and make jokes about how the deer are abundant on our property....until he gets his gun out! Or about how the deer fall down laughing at him when he pulls the trigger.

Ahhhh....deer season!

Friday, November 13, 2009

My Little Little Brother

Seventeen years ago, my parents told me that I would soon have another sibling. We were all excited since I had always been told that my parents always planned on having three kids, but after the second one, they were never able to have another. Now, while planning for a high school graduation and a wedding, there was going to be a third child.

As an immediate family, we were thrilled. Extended family and friends...not so much! There were some who went so far as asking if my mom was going to terminate the pregnancy because there could be something wrong with the baby plus, they were closer to the time of being grandparents, not new parents.

We as our four person about to become five family made a lot of decisions regarding this pregnancy together. The docs wanted an amnio. As a family we told them no. They wanted everyone to have plenty of time to accept the fact that something could be wrong with this baby.

How could anything be "wrong" with this baby? God had given him to our family. There was nothing "wrong" with that. No matter what, he would be brought into a home filled with want and love for him.

We were all together when we found out at the ultrasound that he was a he. We made lists of names that we all liked, and chose together. We were all at the hospital when he made his grand appearance.

On Friday November 13, 1992, my Little Little Brother made his appearance at 4:44 in the morning. He was perfectly healthy. Today, he turns 17 years old. He is a junior in high school and is basically a good kid! He knows how to deal with The Boy and is somewhat of a protector of him. He is the high school band major and can play a mean saxophone. He is also learning, quite easily and quickly, the bass guitar. He has more musical ability in his left earlobe than I will ever have! He loves the Cardinals and the Colts. He plays basketball, and is pretty good when given the chance.

This picture is of him with The Boy at the Jeff Dunham show we went to see. Next July, he is going with us to Hawaii.
Happy 17th Birthday Little Little Brother.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My Friend

I am missing a friend. This post is sad, so don't go any further if you aren't needing sad today.

Several years ago, I met my friend when she was a traveling nurse and came to the Labor and Delivery floor of the hospital I was working in. We hit it off almost immediately and became really close friends. We worked well together at work and away from it.

After working together for a while, she moved on to another state, many removed from me. However, we continued to stay in touch. We never got to meet up again in person though.

One day, I came home and found a message waiting for me on my machine. She asked me to call her when I got in. When I did, she told me that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months before, but hadn't told me. She said that she had tried chemo and all that stuff, but it wasn't working. She said that she had told the docs to stop giving her the poison and she would live to be living, instead of living sick.

I, didn't like this at all, but she told me that she was good with it. She was going to spend time being with family and friends and when the end came, she would be able to say that she was ready.

At the end of September, I was told that they were going to celebrate Christmas in a couple of weeks since it would likely be her last one. She had a tree and all the trimmings. She wanted so much for me to bring The Boy to her so that we could have Thanksgiving together and so she could take him to a place that has all sorts of monkeys she said.

Just after she celebrated her final Christmas with family, I decided to send her some balloons so she would know how much she was missed and would be missed. I went to our local place that sends this type of thing and told them what I wanted. That person had to call a shop in the same town my friend was in, several states away.

I told them that I needed a balloon for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Fourth of July and Birthday. They lady on my end looked at me funny, but when I explained it through my tears, both her and the one on the phone started crying and digging through their stash of balloons. Do you realize how hard it is to find an Easter balloon the first of October?!

They found everything except the Valentine's Day balloon, but happened to have found, stashed in the back of their shop, a monkey holding a heart. How appropriate! I really think they gave me a great price, but it wouldn't have mattered about the cost.

That evening, I called my friend to make sure she got the delivery. She said that she was so glad that I had called her to tell her that The Boy and I made it home safely from visiting her earlier in the day. She said that she was glad that we had gotten to visit and she had been able to give us hugs and laugh with us like we used to do.

I told her that I loved her and she told me the same. Those were the last words we spoke to each other. She died a couple weeks later.

I am glad that we had that last conversation. I wish it could have been face to face though. We didn't get to see her during the last year of her life. We were several states away from each other and by the time I was able to go to her, she was too sick to want us around her.

My friend has been gone for several years, but have you ever seen the guy on tv that says he communicates with those who have died? I watch him sometimes and wonder if my friend would ever try to communicate through him or if she is already communicating if I will just stop and listen.

Maybe when I cover oreos in chocolate because I know that she liked them so much, it is her talking to me. Maybe when I think of making snow angels in the parking lot of the hospital when there was only about 2 inches of snow on the ground, it is her. It probably is her when I laugh about how the security guards stood laughing at us. Or when a certain song comes on that we used to love and sing loudly to even though neither of us could sing.

And I am almost certain that it was her that caused me to have such severe pain in my chest that I almost passed out at my desk at almost the exact minute that she died. (Of course, I didn't know until an hour later that was what the pain meant.)

I just miss my friend and I wish she was here so that I could tell her about my husband. And about how The Boy is learning how to drive. She would be so proud of it all. I miss her.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


This place is totally and completely insane. Or maybe it is just me. Either way, insanity is the word of the week around here.

My local county health department is going to be the death of me I am thinking. They have been coming to our school and giving the H1N1 vaccine to the kids whose parents sign the consents. They started with the kindergarten and first graders about 3 weeks ago. Each week they come back for the next couple of grades. Yesterday, they were here giving the vaccine to the 4th, 5th and 6th grade.

The plan has been to come once a week and give the vaccine to our kids until we have no more that want it or until they run out of it. Yesterday they told me that they want to try giving it to the entire high school population, 7th through 12th instead of just the 7th and 8th. That is fine and dandy with me!

Now here is where it seems to be getting a little on the sticky side. Last week when I was gone for the day to a meeting, evidently the health department called to ask our superintendent if they could set up a clinic on November 11th to invite the community to because they had just received some more of the seasonal vaccine. My superintendent tells that that it would be fine. He tells me the next morning and asks that I call them to clarify everything and get it all set up. Once the health department gets the go-ahead to hold the clinic, they call the local news to tell them there will be a clinic held.

Not a problem. Until yesterday.

Once I had contacted them to make sure how this was all going to go down, I asked if I could go ahead and offer the seasonal vaccine to my staff (again) and send out consent forms to all the kids. They said that would be fine and even e-mailed me the consent form that needed to be used.

On Tuesday, I sent out 153 consents to our elementary students. Yesterday afternoon, 157 more were to be sent home to our high school students.

I had received an e-mail on Wednesday morning answering a couple of questions that I had. These answers brought more questions, so I called the health department. I asked for the person I had been conversing with, but she was not there at that point. They transferred my call to the top of the pack there.

All was going well until I asked if she wanted me to have two lines of people going through....those that needed the seasonal vaccine and those kids getting the H1N1 vaccine or did she want lines for my kids and staff to get the two shots and another line for those coming in from the outside of the school.

She told me that the seasonal vaccine was not for my staff and students. It was only for the community. I told her that there was a problem then because I already have close to 100 staff/students who want the seasonal vaccine. She told me that there were only a limited number of the vaccine and that it was only for the community, and she refused to "debate" with me over this. She said that she would talk to the person that I had been in contact with and let me know what was going on. I told her that she needed to fix this because I was only doing what I was told I could do.

I told my superintendent what was going on, hoping that he would back me up on this whole thing. He told me to let them know that if they were not going to do what they had told him they were going to do, then they could take their community clinic elsewhere. That doesn't help me since he tells me that he did not question what vaccine they would be offering to everyone. He also tells me that he had no impression of what was going to occur on that date.

Silly me to expect backing. He just effectively left me hanging as far as I can tell. How can you have a conversation that you don't know anything about what you conversated about?? How can you walk away from a conversation and not have any types of impressions at all??

So, I am waiting to be contacted by the health department. And trying to decide just what I am supposed to do with all of the consents that have been sent home and the ones I have received signed.

To top it all off, all of this stress caused me to get a sore throat. That is normal. Usually when I get overly stressed, I get a sore throat and when the stress goes away, the soreness goes away. Cool, huh?! This morning, my throat was still hurting and the roof of my mouth and the very back part of my throat has been itching for a week or so. I looked and had a friend who used to work in a pediatric office look. We both agree that it looks like thrush.

Now many supposedly healthy adults get thrush?! Last year I was put in the hospital for a week extremely sick from some sort of something that had my liver totally out of whack and they discovered that I had a "severe" case of thrush. They don't know if the thrush caused the liver issues or if the liver issues caused the thrush. Either way, I don't want to go through all of that again. A call has been placed to the doc and I am waiting on his call back also.

I'm telling ya. Insane. Maybe it is me.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


I have a couple of stories to tell.

When I got to school yesterday, I was asked by one of the girls I work with when I was able to get home. I told her that I made it home on Sunday evening. I don't think any of my property was underwater, but there was no way to have gotten home because the road was covered.

She said that her husband, who is a volunteer fireman, was called out to rescue someone in a vehicle close to my house that was caught in the flood waters. She told me that he got the call around 10pm and he went flying out of the house. He had to go around a different way than normal to get close to her and was getting updates about her condition through the 911 system while he was on his way. I am thinking that I was told that she had a bigger vehicle, like an SUV of some sort.

Evidently when she first called, the water was just coming in the doors of her vehicle. As time goes by, the report is that the water is to her waist. The next report is that it is at her chest. By the time anyone was able to reach her, it was at her chin.

Now mind you, this could have happened in no more than 15 to 20 minutes, because even by going the long way around, he was traveling fast and I can drive from where this occurred to this guy's home in 15-20 minutes at normal speed.

They did manage to get her out with nothing more than being wet, cold, and scared. But, I am thinking that would be enough!

Pretty dramatic thing, huh?! It is, but what really stands out to me in this story is that where she was, there is no cell phone service. And I don't mean spotty service. I mean none. And I am not the only one who says this. One of the other firemen that lives close by says the same thing. There is no cell phone service....period. And yet, she was able to call for help and have a strong enough signal to give updates for several minutes.

My second story happened yesterday. I was on my way home from work/school and I popped over a hill on the highway. I saw a little girl walking along the edge of the road. I just happened to know that she was one of my kindergarten kids, but she was a long way (for a little one) from home.

I passed her, then turned around and was going back. When I topped the hill, she was stopped on the side of the road talking to someone that had passed the other way and had turned back around also. I was hoping that it was her parents, but I stopped anyway.

The woman talking to her asked if I knew who the girl was. I told her that I did which is why I came back to get her. The woman asked the little girl if she knew me and she told her that she did. The woman then asked if the girl would go with me and she said that she would.

We had both lanes of traffic blocked and I got out to go get the little girl. I walked her around to the back passenger side of my car and I got her all buckled in. She told me that nobody was home and she was walking to her Aunt's house. I asked if she could show me where her Aunt lived and she said that she could. We got going and she pointed me in the right direction.

Once we arrived at the Aunt's house, I realized that we were several miles from where she had started walking. And, I also realized that nobody was home at this house also, so we reloaded the car and headed back to the little girl's house to see if anyone had made it there yet.

When we got there, the door was standing wide open, so I assume she forgot to shut it when she left the first time. I stood just inside the door and had her go to all the rooms to make sure that nobody was home. She came back saying that it was empty.

Now what?! I called the school and got someone who could give me a phone number for the dad. I left the child's home and went to the driveway of one of our teachers that was close by. I didn't want the family to come home and think that I was there to steal away their child.

I called the number I had, knowing that if nobody answered, my next option would be the sheriff. The mom answered, but didn't seem very concerned that I had called...until I told her that I had picked her 5 year old daughter up off the side of the highway quite a ways from home.

The mom asked if I could please wait until she got home in about 10 minutes. I told her that I would wait at the end of the road for her. I think she was afraid that I would call the sheriff or that I already had done so.

When the mom got to us, she said that she had hung up with me and called the Aunt to find out where she was and was told that there had been car trouble and they didn't make it to the little girl's house before she got off the bus.

By the time the parent arrived, the child had been off the bus for 45-60 minutes. I told the parent that if I had come home when I usually do, I would have never seen her. And, I was also afraid that when I went back to get her, there were people that I did not know stopping and talking to her. And I know a lot of people out that way, but not these.

After hearing these two stories, how could anyone not believe in God and guardian angels? How else can these be explained? Someone was with the woman being rescued to give her a cell phone signal. And someone had to be watching out for the little girl to keep her safe on the side of the road.

I don't know if either of the two who were rescued believe it, but I certainly do.