Monday, October 12, 2009


I know, I know. I didn't make an appearance here at all last week. I had a meeting last Monday. That just threw the rest of the week off. And, just so you know, I am going to complain. If you don't want to hear it, don't continue. If you like looking at wrecks, keep reading.

Yesterday was my Big Little Brother's birthday. Usually we get together as a family for birthdays at my grandparent's house. We eat and open gifts and have cake together. But, we also plan for this to happen at least a week in advance so that everyone knows about it. This year, I was informed just a couple hours before the event was taking place. I know that I should have been aware since it happens every year, right. Well, there are times that we rearrange the schedule so that everyone can be there. (That is where the week advance notice comes in.)

Anyway.....I haven't been on speaking terms with my Big Little Brother since the end of June. And, the speaking terms with my parents have dwindled to very little. All because I found out something about my brother that could have pretty bad consequences for him and the rest of the family. And I brought it to my parent's attention in the hopes of keeping everyone safe.

That is where I made the mistake I guess. My mom decided that my brother was telling her the truth and I was making it all up even though I have the proof. My brother discovered that I was the one who found out and made threats against me. Telling me that if he got into trouble then I was the one who ruined his life. Not him. Not the one who did the wrong thing, but me, the one who found out.

Therefore, I officially lost my place in the family. Not that it matters since my place in the family has always been on the outskirts. I am not treated anything at all like either of my brothers, always being held to a higher standard than they are.

I know it sounds like I am complaining. Yeah, well, maybe I am. I just hate feeling like an orphan when both of my parents and both of my siblings are alive and well. But when my mom tells me that she has to believe my brothers because they are her boys and she loves them but neglects to acknowledge that I am her daughter and she loves me too.....yeah....I am going to complain and feel hurt.

Granted, I would never say that to her. Why not? Duh. Did you not read that more is expected of me? If I complained about how I feel, it would somehow turn out to be my fault because that is 'stupid' to feel that way. Or I would be told that I brought it on myself because I 'make things up' about my brothers.

So, it was not a very fun party. I didn't take a gift. I didn't actually hold a conversation with my brother because I am still hurt/mad/scared. I didn't have a good time at all. Can you imagine what Christmas is going to be like?!

All because I was trying to keep everyone safe. I know I did nothing wrong. But why am I the one who is being treated like the criminal?

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