Still Waiting on That Deep Breath

I am still waiting for that minute of time where I can take a deep breath and just breathe! Guess I can get that later, huh?!

Yesterday I went to a mandatory meeting in which all program managers are required to attend to discuss our contract with the state. (I guess since they are the ones paying my salary I will do as I am told and attend!) Anyway, I did learn a few things of which I was not aware.

One was the fact that we evidently have an amazingly awesome janitor. How do I know this? Well, apparently there are tons of flu cases surrounding us, but none have made it into our school. I know that now that I say that, we will probably be having to close the doors for several days soon. I also learned that I am not the only one that has had to cancel their flu shot clinic because of no vaccine available from the local health department. And, I am not the only one who is curious as to why this is. Supposedly we will still be able to get the flu shots as soon as they get more, but they don't think that will be until the end of October or the beginning of November. Oh well. All we can do is wait and see what happens.

I also learned that I am not the only one who is feeling like I am so far behind that I have lapped myself. It seems that most of the ones that I talked to/heard from yesterday are feeling the same stress.

On a positive note, my friend's grandbaby has not only been released from NICU, but has also been released from the hospital period! This is a great thing! I tried to call last night, but didn't get a response, so can only assume that things are going well at home. I will talk to her and find out if it is ok to post a pic of the baby. I got a couple of really sweet pictures!

Now to The Boy. Yesterday he came home and told me that he had a test today in American History. But, he had not brought his book or anything else home to study. How does that happen?! He knows he has a test, but nothing to study by. I asked how he did on his recent Biology exam. He told me that he had gotten a "79 I think" on it. He wasn't very happy with that grade.

How did I feel about the grade? Well, let me explain my whole approach to grades. I don't care. Sounds callous, huh? Well, not really. What I don't care about is the actual grade itself. Don't get me wrong. I want my child to do well and to succeed in school. However, I don't care what the actual grade is. My thought is that if he has a 22% or a 102% as long as he worked hard and did the very best that he could do, I am happy. I want him to be happy with the grades he receives. Therefore, the grade is not what is important.

Now, am I happy with this grade. Nope. Why not? Because he did not do the best he could possibly do. I know this because he did not study. He did not one time bring home a book to open and just even fake that he was studying for the test! He is not happy with his grade, therefore I am not happy with his grade.

After having a looooong talk together, I think I have figured out part of the problem. He has a planner in which he is to write down his assignments/tests/etc. However, he has yet to do this. He tells me that he could write it down when he has a test, but unless he remembers to look at it, he would not bring home the stuff to study. He then goes on to say "this is all so hard. It is like I have a test in something almost everyday. Sometimes more than one test in a day." That comment is where I am taking my cue. I think he is becoming overwhelmed with all that is required of him.

Maybe I am wrong?? Anyone out there with a thought? I want to talk to his LD teacher, but she is gone today for a meeting, and is supposed to be back tomorrow. I just don't know what to do about it all.

I got his mid-quarter grades a week or two ago and he had an "A" in all subjects, but when he stresses about a 79% and he has not been studying for his tests, I am wondering just what is going on and if there is any thing else I should be doing.

I know to most parents that sounds really stupid. I am aware that most parents would be thrilled to see their child's report card that lists all A's. Especially if they could say their kid got those grades without studying. But for a child who doesn't study because he "forgets" and who did not have this type of problem at all until this school year, I am a little concerned.

Maybe I shouldn't be. But I am. And since I am his parent, I guess I have that right.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not wish that I could have just one day (even a half day) to do absolutely nothing that I really didn't want to do. I have been to town (20 miles one way) every single day since September 15th. I wouldn't wish this because I love my family and therefore wish to spend every single minute of my waking hours fulfilling their needs. If I wished for a day to do nothing then I would be selfish and that is just not me.

I did not spend most of Wednesday night awake calling and checking on my friend's daughter who was in the hospital being induced.

I did not stay in the delivery room on Thursday with above mentioned daughter to help welcome her daughter into the world. Her mom and I did not stand in the middle of the delivery room when everyone was cleaned up and doing well hugging each other and crying.

I did not drive home Thursday night crying the entire way because I was happy and sad. I did not walk into our counselor's office on Friday afternoon and ask her if I was normal for crying everytime I thought about the delivery. (I did not just get teary eyed typing those sentences because it all comes back.)

I did not get up yesterday wishing (once again) that I could just skip the day's doings because I was (am) still needing that day off. I would never have done that because we went on a Poker Run for the Shriner's Hospital which is an organization that is near and dear to our hearts. Therefore, I would never in a million years wish to not participate.

I did not ponder whether I wanted to fill out an application to go back to work in the hospital doing labor and delivery. I did not grab my (up to date) resume so that I would have the correct information when I did not complete the application.

I did not tell The Boy this morning that if he did not lose the attitude that he seems to have on Sunday afternoon and Monday mornings after spending his weekend with his father that I would do my best to stop him from going. I know. I can't do that. But geez.....when he is rude and obnoxious to me both on the phone and in person it just rubs me the wrong way.


I know that there are a bunch more things that could be posted here. Unfortunately, I am mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. For that reason, I can only think of so much right now. And, they are certainly not nearly as funny as a lot of people. Actually, reading over them, they sound kind of sad, huh?

The Time Has Come

In a previous post, I wrote about my and Crazy Man's wedding. When I wrote that, I didn't have any of the pictures with me that I could add, so I said that I would post some of them later.

Well, it is later! I just chose a few that kind of gave an idea of how our evening went. It was great fun, but at this time, we really don't want to do it again!

The pics I chose were taken by either one of the two guys that worked at the Harley Dealership or by my uncle or (like the very first one) by myself.

The sign that the owners put on the door for our wedding.

My Crazy Man turning to ride down the aisle. His one request for our wedding when we were planning it was that he wanted to ride his bike down the aisle. Until I convinced him to ask the owners of the local Harley dealership if we could get married there, he was not going to get his wish.

This picture is so you can kind of see just how many people were there and the type of place this actually was. That is The Boy next to me where he had walked me down the aisle. Just behind him are my parents.

Our Preacher. He is not a biker, but he is a very good sport!

The sucker ring!

It is almost like he is wondering just what else can happen?!

Riding back down the aisle as a married couple.

Our wedding party.

This is our wedding cake. My mother in law decided at the last minute that we needed an actual cake to cut. We had lots of cupcakes, but she wanted there to be a traditional cake also. Mind you, traditional only applies to the cake, not the topper!

This is the photo that was put in the newspaper to announce our wedding.

And we live happily ever after, forever and always!

Not Me Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not laugh when my 3 year old cousin said the following things:

"Where did he go? Did he pissedappear?" (I am hoping he meant disappear!)

"I have to go get erections!" (I am seriously hoping he meant directions!)

While we were sitting at the supper table and he was told by his mom that he would not be allowed to go to the fair to ride the rides if he did not eat, I most certainly did not have to choke back laughter when the following conversation took place:

3 year old: "Granddad, I need you."

Granddad: "You need me? Why?"

3 year old: "I need you to let me go to the fair."

I would never laugh at a 3 year old attempting to get out of trouble. Nope. That would just encourage the practice.

I did not see someone in our local parade that I hadn't seen in years, holler her name and run out into the middle of the street hugging and laughing with her! And, she is definitely not a well known name in town!

I did not hope that it would rain on Friday afternoon so that I didn't have to mow. (I got it mowed!)

I did not attempt to make a Butterscotch Caramel Cheesecake for the very first time, all the way from scratch and then take it to my Crazy Man's family reunion on Sunday. And, I did not take home an empty cheesecake plate!

I did not make a calendar of the upcoming new shows starting tonight so that I would know what channels and times they came on in the hopes of not missing any that looked interesting. I know that would be silly and make me look as though all I do in my free time is watch TV, so there is absolutely no way that I could possibly have done this.

These were just some of the things that I absolutely did not do last week! I did not do so many things that I have started to keep a list of them so I can therapeutically come clean on Mondays!

True Story Tuesday

Thought I would try something different today. Found this over on another blog called Once Upon A Miracle. She called it True Story Tuesday and it seems you are supposed "to tell the story of anything amazing, hilarious, outrageous or miraculous (and TRUE) that has happened to you."

So, since I always say that I could have my own reality comedy show if someone would just follow me around with cameras all day everyday, I thought this may just be fun.

Gosh, there are so many things that I don't know where to start! How about this one:

When The Boy was about 5 years old, I worked for a hospital under a grant program in which I went into the homes of first time low income moms. I would follow along with them, meeting once every couple of weeks with them throughout the pregnancy and until their baby turned 2 years old. I had 25 different girls that I was following along with their babies. Because we taught sooooo much stuff to them, we had to have a lot of different teaching materials.

One of the items that I carried with me was a giant board book that showed the true sizes of a fetus while growing inside it's mom. Along the edges of the pictures, there was all sorts of information to talk to the mom about. On the last page of the book, it showed a drawing of a mom who was breastfeeding her newborn.

Because I was away at a meeting one day, my parents picked up The Boy after school and brought him home with them using my car. Of course, that book was in my car and of course, The Boy loved to look at it.

Evidently, The Boy asked his grandma just what the mom on the last page was doing. My mom told him that "she is feeding her baby."

The Boy asked if she was feeding the baby milk from her boobies.

My mom answered that yes she was.

The Boy thinks about this. After about 10 minutes, he says to her, "My Aunt Michelle could feed her new baby like that, right?"

Again, my mom answers yes.

The Boy thinks on this bit of info and decides that "if my mom has a baby, she could do that too. But my mom can't drink milk, so one boobie would have milk and one would have Sprite."

My dad nearly ran off the road because he was trying not to laugh so hard. Luckily, they all made it safely home with a story to tell.

This is definitely a true story that we still talk about to this day. Not sure The Boy finds it nearly as amusing as the rest of us though!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by McMama at www.mycharmingkids.net. You can head over to www.mycharmingkids.net to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It has been a while since I have joined in on the Not Me Mondays. I decided that today would be as good a day as any to jump back on board! Mind you, some of these things have happened before the past week. But this is the first chance I have gotten to 'speak' them out loud!

I did not cringe when I was told that the newest nurse hired for my other school was the daughter of the secretary who thinks she runs the school.

I did not do that before I even met the girl.

I did not roll my eyes and take a deep breath when talking on the phone to her I asked her if she was an RN and she said that she was and then when I asked what she did at the hospital she answered "I'm an RN." Yeah, you said that. But what do you do there? (Too hard of a question?!)

I did not call a group of high school boys "whiny babies" while they were standing in line for their turn at a dental screening and to get fluoride varnish put on their teeth. That would not be nice if I had done that, would it?

I did not openly cry at a funeral for someone that I did not know. Nor did I know anyone related to that person. (No, I didn't 'crash' the funeral. I was attending as a Patriot Guard Rider. And yes, it was the funeral procession that is making news in St. Louis.)

I did not enter 8 pictures in our local fair. I did not talk to the person accepting the entries to try to figure out which category two of the pics should be entered under and when she couldn't decide, she made up two new categories! I did not feel guilty that other people did not know about those categories before entering their items.

I was not forced to hold my tongue when a co-worker was required to tell something about her personal life that had nothing to do with her job.

I did not attend a baby shower for a really good friend's just turned 17 year old daughter and enjoyed myself. (It is really hard for me to go to a baby shower for anyone, but really difficult for a young girl.)

I did not sit here, write this post, look back at it to proof-read and decide that my life seems either really lame or I have just been able to block out all the silly stuff that has happened to me lately!

Thank You

Eight years ago today, I was supposed to be going to work at 7pm at the hospital in Labor and Delivery. I had been working at the hospital since July, but the unit was not yet opened. We had been working to get it to that point. This was to be my first night on duty in the newly opened unit.

That morning, I got up, walked The Boy to school (we basically lived in their backyard), and planned on going home to sleep so I could be awake that night. I was just laying down when I got a phone call telling me to turn on the news.

I watched as the second plane hit. And I cried.

I cried because I was scared. I cried because I was sad. I cried because I was mad. Did I go get my boy from school? No. Did I want to? Oh yeah! Would I go get him today if this had happened now instead of then? You bet. But for different reasons.

I would get him today because he is older and better able to ask questions that I want to be the one to answer. I would get him today because he has become more concerned with my welfare and safety and he would need to know that I am fine.

Today is a day for remembering and for thanking. We remember those who died on that day in NYC, at the Pentagon and in a Pennsylvania field. All of those who were just working at having a normal day. Those who saved others by fighting off terrorists in the sky and by sacrificing their well being, and who may also have saved many others that the plane was aimed for.

I feel that we should also remember those who have died since that day. Those soldiers who go out everyday and fight to give me the freedom to say what I want to say. Those who leave their families for months at a time to place themselves in harms way to hopefully keep us all from having to face another 9/11.

I want to tell not only those soldiers but their families, along with the soldiers who go over and not come back and their families this: My family and I thank you for your sacrifice.

IEP'd

I know...it has been a while since I have been here. I have been stupid busy and despite the fact of wanting to write here, I haven't had the opportunity to do so. Today, I decided to say "forget the rest, I need to do this."

First off, I guess we will see if my spaces are still gone. If so, I wish that whoever took them would kindly return them to me. The abilty to easily read what I type has been stolen along with those spaces between paragraphs/thoughts.

Next. Don't think I have written about what happened at The Boy's IEP meeting. Went to the high school at 2pm and left sometime after 3pm. Yes, the other portion of his DNA did show up. And that is where it all went downhill.

The LD teacher who is in charge of writing his IEP is also his Transitions teacher. We had spoken concerning some papers that were sent home for me to complete and return and we thought it may be a good idea if we could get his diagnosis changed. He has been receiving services for written expression. Nope! Not autism. She wanted to change his diagnosis to autism so that his goals in his IEP made more sense. She told everyone that was gathered (the special ed director for the district, his Language Arts classroom teacher, the counselor, the building principal, myself and his father) that since she is seeing The Boy and spending more time with him on a daily basis, that she is seeing several "odd" and "different" and "concerning" behaviors. She reitterated the fact that he was not a "bad" kid, and in fact was very polite and respectful, but that there were some actions that she had never noticed before and would be good to work on in the Transitions class.

We talked about what he would be learning in the class and that we hoped he would be able to continue the class for the rest of his high school career. We talked about the fact that he will be having 4 end of course exams and how and where he would be taking them. (I think that it was decided that he could leave the room and take the two that have a lot of writing on them, but the two that will be completely multiple choice, he will stay with the other kids.)

Well. His father decided to mention the fact that he "wants him treated just like all of the other kids in his class. If they have to take a test, then he has to take the same one." I have no argument about taking the tests. And, yes, I do want him to be treated like everyone else. However, if he needs accommodations (smaller groups of people/different room/longer time to complete) then he should receive those. His father did not agree. Matter of fact, it came to light that he had instructed The Boy that he did not need to leave the room to take any test unless others were also leaving the room. He had instructed him that it was "silly to do that". (This now explains the reason that The Boy would never leave the room, even though at times he wanted to. He didn't want his father to find out that he left the room.)

His father also voiced the fact that he and his wife "don't see the things that she says happens with him" and that "he just needs to learn how to cope with the problems that he faces everyday. If it is too loud or whatever, he needs to learn to cope with that. Everyone has bad days and he needs to figure out how to handle them." No ****! Of course he needs to learn to cope. What the crap does he think I have been taking him to see a counselor for once a week for the past 4-5 years?! And, duh! If he had any clue about his son's diagnosis, he would know that "learning to cope" is a difficult thing to deal with especially if it means his routine or expectations are interrupted.

Oh but wait. If he knew that about his diagnosis, then he would have to admit that there was/is a diagnosis. And that is where the root of the problem comes along. His father feels that I went "doctor shopping to find someone to give him a diagnosis so you could draw a check for him." Now, I want to get this straight and make sure that I make myself clear. I took my son to see a pediatric neurologist when he was 4 years old on the advice of his Early Childhood Special Education teacher. This is the doc who gave us the diagnosis. Did I shop? Nope. Did he know about the appointment? Yep. And was all for it I might add. And oh yeah, he was still married to me at the time. Did he ever see a check? Nope. Have I ever seen a check for this diagnosis? Nope. AND I don't really plan on ever seeing one.

My son has hopes and dreams for the future. He has already told me where he will be getting a job after he graduates from college! Plus, he was looking at the area where this job is and was house hunting!! Geez! Does that sound like someone I should be figuring out how to get a disability check off of?!

After the meeting was over, The Boy's father told the LD teacher that she needed his phone number because he was not notified "in a timely manner most of the time when something is going on" with The Boy. He then proceeded to tell her that if he had known before Tuesday evening that the meeting was on Thursday afternoon, then his wife would have been able to be there since "she has pertinent information concerning" The Boy.

When I told my Crazy Man about that comment, he told me that I "would not be going to any meeting where that man was going to bring others in and try to bully you even more." (See?? That is just one of many many reasons I love my Crazy Man!)

So, all in all, the decision was made to change his diagnosis, in part, because he can receive more services and to keep him from having to be tested and put through all of that stress again.

Since that meeting, The Boy has been doing well in class. We have worked out some major issues (him not eating lunch and why...a couple of classroom issues...etc) and things are going ok. He talks about his Transitions class almost everyday. He joined FBLA and happens to be the only Freshman. There are about 40 kids in that group which has him a bit stressed, but at least he is away from the kids in his class that really stress him.

He is learning (always!) to work with others. He does not do this well! He had a history project that he was paired with 3 others and he got a 73% on the assignment. It has not been a happy place around our house with that grade! And believe me when I say that I am not the one who is complaining about it! Don't get me wrong. I am not thrilled with the grade since I know that he is capable of getting an 'A' on it, but he is the one who is pitching fits about it.

So, another fun (if you enjoy rollercoasters) year is in store for us with school. I must say that I really am not a fan of rollercoasters. But, if riding one with my son makes his world more tolerable, then I will sit right there with him holding his hand.