Getting There

I am back.  Kind of.  Physically I am here.  Mentally and emotionally I still sometimes kind of check out for a little bit.  If you have been around very long, then you know that I can't always write here because of lack of computer access.  And if you have been around for the past couple of weeks, then you know what has been happening in my neck of the woods and why I haven't been around.

Today, I finally feel like writing something.

Things are starting to normal up a little.  Although, it is still not like it should be around here.  I still wear my "in memory" ribbon.  And the reason I do that is because I still cry without warning.  And I figure that when I stop doing that, then I will stop wearing the ribbon.  My grief, my prerogative.

What else has been happening around here?

Well, last Thursday evening was the Academic and Sports Banquet.  Awards for these two things are given out that night.  Each family brings in a couple of covered dishes and the school provides the meats, drinks, plates and such.  You have to be invited academically or be on one of the sports teams.  

The counselor gives out awards for kids on the A and B Honor Rolls.  If you have made the A Honor Roll all year (for the first time), then you get an academic letter (to put on a school jacket), a pin to go on that letter (each year you achieve this) and a certificate for the school year.  She also awards a plaque with the student's name and the school year stating that they are the Top of the Class for their grade.

The Boy is not on any type of sports team, but we were invited to attend because he has really good grades.  He has actually had really good grades for his whole school career.  And, he has always been one of the top three or four kids in the class.  When I moved him to this school to start the fourth grade, there was a girl in his class that was blind.  She remains in his class and has been named the top student every year since we moved here.

Now, several of the kids think that it is kind of not fair since she doesn't do all of the same work that the rest of them have to do.  They also don't like the fact that she has someone reading tests and assignments for her since her reader could know the answer and inflect a tone of voice when reading the correct answer.  The Boy is one of these kids (even though he has no understanding of tone of voice!  Go Autism!).  I just try to remind him that he wouldn't want to be blind.  I also make sure he knows that I can't change his mind over his opinion, but as long as he feels that way and he still does his very best, then he knows that the grades he receives are his very own.  I don't think it makes him feel any better, but at least he still does his best!

When the counselor announced that she was giving out the Top of the Class awards, several in this class prepared to clap for the same child that had been receiving it every year.  Man was everyone surprised when The Boy's name was called!  I was excited for him.  The Boy however, just went up and got the plaque without so much as a grin!  He wouldn't even let me take his picture with it!  I think he is excited too, but he was embarrassed to be the center of attention.  The other kids were happy for him though!

I am trying to get excited enough to start packing up my office here at work/school to move it all to the newly built Elementary building that sits right across the street from the High School.  Don't get me wrong.  A new building that close to the High School will be nice.  The problem comes in when I tell you that I will be moving from a room that is about 20 feet by 20 feet with two windows to a room that is literally 14 ft by 8 ft and has no windows in the walls or even in the door to see out into the hallway.  I have seriously used painter's tape to mark out the dimensions on my current office floor so that I can somehow figure out where to place the items that I need to take.  It is like a tetris puzzle!  Once it gets in the room, you can't just change your mind about placement of items without moving everything out the door and starting over!  Oh.  And the 14ft by 8ft area actually only has 10ft by 5 1/2 ft of actual workable floor space!  Yeah.  Everyone needs a challenge!

We are scheduled to get out of school on Friday, May 14th at noon.  At this moment, summer school is supposed to start on June 1st.  Don't even get me started on that!  I am kind of hoping that it is called off due to lack of funding.  Does that mean that I won't have to show up anyway?  Probably not since the superintendent is a (insert word of choice here).

So that is how things have been here.  I am healing from the inside out.  Although this whole thing is going to be leaving a scar.

Last Week

Last week was tough.  

Scratch that.  

Last week was brutal.

Why?  Find out here.

Friday, we were out of school for our scheduled "Spring Break".  One whole day that I was actually looking forward to having at home to do some things that needed to be done.

Instead, I spent the day crying.  

The funeral home was filled with kids and adults alike, all wearing camouflage.  I overheard a story in which the funeral home had set up 300 chairs throughout the building.  Every single chair held at least one person.  Many many more found seats on the floor, in the hallway, or leaning along the walls.  The estimate was that there were 500 people inside the building during the service.  That does not count the numbers of folks who came and left before service time.

Stories abound detailing the concern and prayers pouring out for our "family".  Our girls were in the middle of a softball game on Tuesday afternoon when they heard the news.  Tears began to fall, but to the outfield they went.  The other team heard what happened and called off the game, saying that they were too far behind to catch up.  Once the high fives were over, the other team went to their bench where they placed their gloves and hats.  They then made their way to our team where each of their girls hugged each of ours.

The state university rushed at least one of our students and her mother (a teacher here) through while they were attending Freshman orientation for next semester.  They got them out in time for the two of them to slip quietly in just as the service was starting.

There were hugs between people that you would never expect for hugs to be.  Kids were hugging teachers.  They were hugging each other.  They were crying in front of each other without shame.  Teachers were letting the tears fall in front of all.  People who were having spats with others put those aside and came together in their grief.

Schools from surrounding communities sent e-mails or called our counselor offering support and sympathy.  Even the state university called to offer condolences.  Remember, we are a tiny school.  And the state university called.

The hallways are still unusually quiet.  They are louder now, but still not at the level they should be.  Kids are still in shock.  Although, some are wavering still between denial and anger.  There is no acceptance as of yet.

We should be grateful that out of the three classmates who were together, only one was taken from us.  And yet, we can't rejoice in that fact because one was taken from us.

There are some kids who have started counseling through an outside source because of the stress they have been forced to endure.

I feel silly because I still break into tears at times.  And I can't come up with a reason when Crazy Man asks why.  Like yesterday afternoon.  My MIL hugged me and told me to "have a good week".  I am having more trouble than normal putting my thoughts together.

And I am not this child's mom.  Nor am I blood related to him.  I am just a mom of a classmate who happens to have worked with this child through school.  I can not imagine how she feels.  And selfishly, I don't want to imagine how much worse she feels if it hurts this badly for me.

If you have read this far, please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for listening.  Tomorrow will be better. 

No Words

I am not really myself today.  Physically, I look the same.  Mentally, just not all there.  (Stop laughing.  I know that I am normally not all there, but this is different.)  This is a tough post.  Just be warned.

Yesterday was April 20.  The seniors are released from school on April 29th.  The entire school lets out on May 14th.  The place is loud and happy between classes.

Today is April 21.  We are out of school on Friday.  There are a total of 16 days left in this school year.  And there are no loud happy students in the halls between classes.

What could have changed so much just overnight?

Yesterday afternoon, around 4:43 pm, one of our 16 year old ninth grade students was pronounced dead by the county coroner at the scene of a motor vehicle accident.

This boy was in my son's class.  He was one of 28 students in that grade.  His brother is a senior.  His father was raised in this school, just like many of us here.

We are not a happy place right now.  The only word I can come up with to describe this place is eerie.

It isn't supposed to happen here.  Not our school.

But it has.  And it sucks.

Not Me Monday

 Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This is going to be a dual post.  The first part will be for Not Me Monday.  The second part will just be for Monday.

So, what did I not do this past week?

I did not talk to the GPS voice who told me where to go and how to get there on my trip to Jefferson City.  Because that would just be ridiculous since this is not a real person, and he couldn't answer me back.

I did not walk out of a meeting with five others without looking back, knowing full well that the person in charge was going to tattle tell to someone more in charge than her.

I did not lay on the floor of the state capital building in the hopes of getting a cool picture.  Nope.  And I definitely did not do that more than once!

I did not get upset that I still have not gotten my computer returned to me so that I could show you the pictures that I did not take while lying on the floor of the capital building.

I did not laugh at some guy in the Wal-Mart parking lot yesterday attempting to place his cart in the the little cart wrangler area.  Why would I laugh at something like that?  There is no way that could ever be funny...unless he slammed it against the blue 'not this side, dummy' bar...and then slammed himself against the cart...and then started to loudly question "wtf"!  I would never laugh at something like that since he could have been hurt.

I did not thank God yesterday at the restaurant that it was not my autistic child who picked up a pickle with the tongs...twice...and dropped said pickle straight into his mouth...and then lick the juice off the tongs before putting them back into the pickle container.  I also did not laugh since I was so glad that this was not The Boy.  I did not contemplate if this had happened to us if I would have just acted as though nothing had happened, or if I would have gone to the manager and confessed as to what my teenager had just done.

I did not refuse to answer the phone when I saw who was calling me because I didn't know what they wanted since they have never ever called before.  And, since I also was afraid that they were going to ask for money.  And I would really hate to tell them no and get a cussing.  So, I didn't just let it ring.

Those are just some of the things that I did not do this past week.  Who knows what will happen in the next week!

___________________________________

And now for my thoughts for today.  Which I know that you have been waiting patiently for.... 

I really think that schools should only be in session for four days a week.  Although, I am not sure which day we should take off.  

Not having to attend on Friday would be great.  We could start our weekend sooner, and who doesn't want that?  

Then again, maybe not going in on Monday would be better.  That way everyone could recoup from the weekend.  And, I think that maybe people would be in better moods and there wouldn't be as many kids who think they are sick.

But, maybe the best day to take off would be Wednesday.  That way we could work for two days, be off a day, work for two days and be off for two days.  We would always have a day off to look forward to very soon.

And, if I was off every Wednesday, I could schedule all of our appointments on that one day instead of something every day after school.  This week, we have an orthodontist appointment on Tuesday, a counselor appointment on Wednesday and a doctor appointment on Thursday.  All of them scheduled between 3:30 and 4:00.

Yep...Wednesday would be the best day to be off and for us to only have a four day school week.  I would definitely be willing to go for a little bit longer each day if we could get to that four day week.  And, I would not even complain about which day is chosen for us to be off.  As long as there is one chosen!

Non-Cohesive Thoughts

Let me just say this....I am so glad it is Friday.

It has been a long week.  For whatever reason, I am thinking that there were two Mondays and maybe even an extra Wednesday thrown in for good measure.

I got my report done yesterday and even got it in the mail.  Good thing since it had to be postmarked by today!  Of course, when they receive the report, it isn't going to say what they wanted to hear.  But, I can only do what I can do.

I also got a hotel reservation for the meeting that I am required to attend next week in Jefferson City.  At this very moment in time, it looks like I am going to be lucky and a friend is going to go with me.  Not sure what time we will be able to leave though.  Not that it matters, as long as I don't have to go by myself!

Crazy Man's aunt and uncle are supposed to be leaving for Hawaii to visit their daughter and son-in-law on Saturday.  Last weekend we were talking and told them that we would take them to the airport if they wanted so they wouldn't have to pay to park the car for two weeks. (The closest major airport is a couple hours away.)  The uncle said that would be great and that they would pay us for the fuel.  Crazy Man tells him that we could just drive their car and then they wouldn't have to worry about paying us anything.  

Next thing I know, we are being told that they would rather pay the money to park their car!  

Crazy Man is a good driver.  Actually, he is a really good driver.  He drives a big truck for a living and has done so for many years.  Without problems.  Now, they don't trust him to drive a normal sized car?!

Whatever!

When we got our house refinanced recently, we had a little bit left over to do a few home improvements.  I think I am going to try to convince Crazy Man to look for whatever we need to finish our front patio.  It has only been halfway completed with a tarp over it for 16 months!  I think it is time to do something about that.

After talking it over with the principal at our elementary building, we have decided what we are going to do to bring in money for our Pennies for Patients campaign next month.  I know that I said that it would be too cold for water or outside, but it has been decided that we would have the kids buy water balloons or use a super soaker water gun aimed at our music teacher.  And, he did agree to this!

We are also looking for donations of things that we can raffle off that the kids would like.  So far, we have collected a school blanket, one of next year's yearbooks, a couple of certificates for painball games, some posters and backpacks.

I am trying to contact stores to see if they would be willing to donate gift cards that we could raffle also.  And, there are two movie theaters in town (not the one our school is in, but 20 miles away) and I am going to see if they would be willing to donate some tickets.

I am hoping that this is going to go well.  Last year, it was a roaring success, so hopefully this year will be even better.

Can you tell that all of this is just a rambling thing?!  I can't seem to get all my thoughts in a nice neat little package that makes sense and flows well.  Oh well, as long as I can follow it, then it makes no never mind!

Any Suggestions?

I need ideas!  Last year at the Elementary building of the school I work at, we participated for the first time in something called Pennies for Patients.  This is a drive to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  If the school raised over $300, then the winning classroom would get a pizza party paid for by the Society.

We did things just a little different from they way they suggested it to be done.  Instead of the class raising the most money winning, we decided to do it by pounds.  If we had paper money, then we weighed how much a dollar worth of pennies was and added that amount.  

Over three weeks, we had the kids bring in their money to put in their classroom buckets.  On each Friday, we would weigh what they had brought and announce who was in first, second and third place.  And, the last two Fridays was something special.  We had a hat day where they could pay a dollar and wear a hat.  The last day, we used duct tape to tape a coach to the wall.  Each kid paid a dollar for a strip of duct tape.

We raised a total of $674.74.  And, instead of just the first place classroom getting a party, we split the money they were sending to buy the pizza and also had smaller parties for the second and third place groups.

Now, we are revving up for this year.  We are going to be doing this the first three weeks of February this year.  We have been brainstorming ideas, but nothing is set in stone yet.  We know that we want to go by weight and have three parties again.  But other than that, we aren't positive.

These are some of the things we have considered:

-- pay a dollar to wear a hat

-- pay a dollar to chew gum in the afternoon

-- buy a candy gram to be passed out for Valentine's Day

-- find folks to donate some good stuff and offer a raffle

We had also considered taping the coach to the wall again, but thought we should try something else this year to keep it from becoming old.  Don't think that we are going to be able to find any staff member that will let us shave or color their hair!

If anyone out there has any suggestions, I would be more than willing to listen and consider them.  Just remember that it is really cold around here in February, so nothing that involves water or outside.

Or, if you want to donate something or know of someone who would, leave a way to contact you and I will do so.

Yeah, I know this is a long shot since there aren't many who even know that I am around, but it never hurts to try!

---------------------------------

Other stuff.....

The Boy brought his grades home on Monday.  He got all A's for both the quarter and the semester!  I am so proud of him.  And, even better, he is proud of himself!

Yesterday was the first day in a lot of days that the temperatures got above freezing.  A heat wave!  Matter of fact, it felt downright warm in the sunshine!  Of course, it fell way below freezing overnight.  We have been keeping drinks (like gatorade) out in our garage.  No need to use electricity to keep them cold!  Opened one earlier and it was slushy!

Got a hotel reservation for my meeting that I have to make up for when the weather was bad.  Trying to convince a friend to go with me so that I don't have to drive it by myself.  The only problem is that if she goes with me, then we will have to leave closer to 5pm, so that puts us not getting there until sometime between 9 and 10.  If I go alone, then I am hoping against hope that I will be allowed to leave school around noon to drive it.

I have been trying to use my Wii Fit everyday for at least 30 minutes of step. And, I have taken to weighing myself on it in the mornings right after I get out of the shower.  Loosing some weight would be great, but if I could just tone things up a little to get back into some of my clothes, that would be good too.

The DNA Donor wants a copy of Crazy Man's insurance card that covers The Boy.  He says it is "just in case I need to take him to the doctor."  This is causing a little tension.  Crazy Man says that he won't let DNA Donor have a copy because it is secondary.  Therefore, it won't change what the DNA Donor's insurance will do.  And, then there is the fact that DNA Donor would have no idea which doctor to take him to if he were sick, and he better be letting me know so that I can be there if he needs to take The Boy to the hospital.  Maybe I am crazy, but it doesn't seem like there is a need for DNA Donor to have a secondary insurance card.

Realized on Monday morning that our water softener was not softening water.  Lovely.  The thing is less than six months old.  It shouldn't be giving me problems yet, should it?!  Have no idea what the problem is/was, but have coaxed it into softening water again.

Still haven't gotten my report that is due Friday done.  I'm trying!

Have been trying not to cry lately.  All the time.  Don't know what the deal is, but tired of it.  Maybe I just need a vacation.  And a winning PowerBall ticket.

Snow Decisions

Everyone is talking about the snow.  Mind you, there is none on the ground or even flying in the air attempting to make it to the ground at this point in time. Rather, everyone is talking about the coming snow.

They are forecasting anywhere from one to seven inches of the white stuff.  Last I heard, it was supposed to start this evening around 8 or so.  Then, while we sleep peacefully and warmly in our snug little beds, it will accumulate to some inch level.

This is not normally a big deal.  Let it snow!  I have plenty of food in the house to make it through a giant blizzard.  I have a generator that is sitting in the garage just waiting to be started.  And, when Crazy Man gets home tonight, I will have 10 gallons of gas to fill said generator.

There has been no mention of the word ice, and I am hoping it stays that way.  Dry snow is not a problem to drive in since the roads are so darn cold it won't melt it all and then turn to ice.

So why are people making a big deal out of this weather forecast?  Well, because they do!  I am certain that today, there will be a rush on the grocery stores and by the time the first flake actually falls from the sky, there will be nary a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread in sight.

I am sure that people who live in other parts of the world where it snows every winter would think it was strange to not have bread and milk in the grocery stores.  Living where I live, however, we don't get snow all the time.  That is not saying that it doesn't get cold, because it definitely does that!  We just don't get a lot of snow.  All of our kids around here have seen/played in the snow, it just isn't a daily winter thing.

I think that the worst thing about getting any decent amount of snow, is the fact that school will close.  A day off is a great thing, so don't get me wrong!  But, since I work at a school, that means that I will have to make that day up at some point.

Even worse than that, is that I have a mandatory meeting that I have to attend whether school is in session or not.  And if I attend with no school in session, then I don't get a different day off in return.  Nor do I get extra pay.  If the weather is bad enough that I can not go to the meeting, there are other days this meeting will be held.  But to attend one of those, I would have to drive 5 or 6 hours.  And the last time I had to go that far, the school would not pay for a place for me to stay overnight and instead insisted that I drive it the morning of the meeting....and then back home after the seven hour meeting. That makes for a really long day!

So, I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to make the meeting and that we have school tomorrow.  There is just too much that sucks if we have enough snow that it cancels school!

I also have to decide if we stay in the country and chance being able to get out, or if we go into town and stay.  When we got married, Crazy Man owned a house in town that we stay in over the weekends or when the weather gets bad.  The problem is that we don't usually keep a lot of groceries/clothes there.  If we stayed there tonight, then it is only about 3 miles from where my meeting is.  But, if school is still in session, then I would have to travel 25 miles to get The Boy to school, and another 25 miles to get me back to the meeting.  I feel like I just can't make the right decision with this situation!

I will probably just keep my fingers crossed that it won't be too bad and I can get us where we need to go without too many problems.  My car has four wheel drive, so that is a good thing.  I just want us to keep safe and comfortable.  Not so much to ask, is it?!

Good, Bad and Ugly

The Good:  I'm back!

The Bad:  Being back and having access to a computer to leave this post also means that I am back at work/school.  

And, having been gone for so long means that I may have lost the four folks who have unwittingly signed up as followers!

The Ugly:  Got to work/school this morning only to find out that there was no heat.  Someone who supposedly is in charge of these things let us run out of gas.  Therefore, no heat.  And it was only about 7 degrees when I left home!  My fingers are not working well because the thermometer in my office reads 63 as I type this....after over three hours of having heat on!

The milk truck did not make their delivery this morning, so someone had to got to the local quick mart and clean them out of gallons of milk so our kids could have breakfast.

And, do you realize just how many kids don't really get to eat when school is out?  I guess that unless you work in a school, you probably wouldn't know about this, huh?  We had a huge amount of kids eating breakfast this morning, even though it was only cold milk and cereal. We always worry about our kids when we are out of school because of this little known fact.

The Good:  We had Christmas with most of our family with minimal tears to be found.  I still have The Boy questioning Santa!  How else would a gift wrapped in Santa paper have made it onto his bed since none of us had been in that house for over a week?  The Boy received his first Lionel Train.  And he loves it!  I will have to post pictures later when I am able to finally sit down and go through them all.

The Bad:  My cousin did not bring himself, his wife or two little boys to Christmas at my Grandparent's house, so that kind of put a damper on things there.  Another cousin had shoulder surgery the week before, so he spent most of Christmas in a drug induced haze.  He was not his usual chipper self.

The Ugly:  I have to preface this by saying that it is not the number of gifts a person receives, it is more about the way people are treated.  When we went to Crazy Man's aunt and uncle's house for that Christmas get together, I nearly lost my mind all over one of the aunts.

It is known that all the kids get a gift from the adults.  That usually means that each kid gets 4 or 5 gifts.  They usually are not overly expensive, just little somethings.

Last year, one aunt came in and started handing out gifts.  She looked at The Boy and said "I didn't get you anything. I forgot."  She then walked away.

This year, at least she didn't say it to his face and in front of everyone else.  Unfortunately, The Boy could see that he was left out again.

When we were getting food ready for Christmas Eve supper, I noticed that someone had set out a shrimp ring.  That is all fine and dandy, except that The Boy is allergic to shrimp.  I didn't really think a lot about it since he knows to stay away from them, but then I realized that if they pick up the shrimp with their fingers and then reach into the bowl with potato chips, they have just transferred the shrimp to the chips.  Or if they pick up the shrimp and then touch a serving spoon, guess what?!

So, I said to my mom, "We need to be really careful with those shrimp because if they...."

I was cut off by her abruptly telling me that, "He will be fine, it is just shrimp and he knows he is not supposed to have them." 

I tried to finish what I was saying, but was told, "He will be fine."

Luckily, I was able to tell Crazy Man (when he trailed me to the garage to find me crying) and The Boy.  Between myself and Crazy Man, we made sure that we were the ones who served him and got in between him and anything anyone else may have touched.

The Good:  I am starting to feel a little better.

The Bad:  I missed the first couple of days of 2010 because I was sick.

The Ugly:  I woke up to the tune of vomiting (my own unfortunately) around 6 a.m. on New Year's Day.

Now, if I had done something to bring this on, I would not have been so upset.  You know, like if I had drank to excess or something.  But, I had not even had a drop of alcohol the night (or any night) before. 

Nope, instead, some little bug had decided to celebrate in me instead.  Today, I am still with a stomach ache and some nausea.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that this ends really soon.

The Good:  My Big Little Brother is out of the hospital, I assume.

The Bad:  I am not supposed to know that he was sick, let alone in the hospital.

The Ugly:  On New Year's Day, Crazy Man called my grandmother to let her know that we were planning on stopping by, but I was too sick to do so.  She has called each day since to make sure that I am doing better.

Yesterday, she called around 10 a.m. to see how I was, and made mention of the fact that my Big Little Brother was scheduled to see the doc on Monday since he had been sick since Wednesday.  She asked if I had any idea what was wrong because she couldn't get anything out of either him nor my parents.  I told her that I did not know that he was ill.  She said that she had tried to call and check on him before calling me, but figures he was in the shower since he didn't answer the phone.  We talked a little longer and she hung up.

About 10 minutes later, she called to tell me that an old girlfriend of my Big Little Brother had called and said that she had taken him to the hospital.  She said that she would probably be in trouble by him if he knew that she had called my grandparents, but felt that they needed to know.  She said that he had just been taken back into an exam room.  My grandma said that was all she was told and that she would call me back if she heard anything else.

A few minutes after that, she called again saying that Big Little Brother had seen that Grandma had called and wanted to let her know that he was fine, but that he was in the ER getting pain meds.  Through all that she was told, Grandma felt like he may have a kidney stone.  She then asked me if I thought that my parents knew and I told her that they more than likely did.  She said she would call them just to make sure and see if she could find out anything else.

A couple hours later, I called my grandma to see what else she had heard and she told me nothing.  She did say that she had called my parents and that they were fully aware of what was going on, but didn't really tell her anything.  She asked if they had called to tell me anything.  I told her that I had heard nothing from them.

Our phone rang around 4:30 p.m.  We had been home for less than an hour at that point.  We were still getting things settled after having bought groceries and such.  Crazy Man answered.  His side of the conversation went something like this:"Yes, she is starting to feel better.  I'm sorry I didn't call to let you know the other day that she was sick.  We called Grandma because we were going to go over to visit. OK. Good bye."  

He said that it was my mom calling because Grandma had mentioned that I had been sick when she called earlier in the day and she wanted to see if I was feeling better.  She mentioned nothing about a sick brother.  I asked if she had wanted to speak with me.  He said that she did not ask to do so. 

I told him that if I had left my feelings on, then that would have hurt.  I lied.  It did/does hurt. 

I called Grandma around 8:30 p.m. to see if she had heard anything else.  She said that she had not.  She asked if I had talked to my parents.  I told her about the phone call, but that my mom did not want to talk to me.  She was nearly as upset as I was. 

I am hoping that there will be more good than bad or ugly this year, although it isn't starting off very promising, huh?!  I will keep my cold fingers crossed though!  Hope everyone out there had a great Christmas and New Year!

Sick Sick Sick

The plan for today is to keep my head above water. Yesterday, was just total chaos. Organized though it may be, it was still chaos. I sent probably 10 kids home with fever yesterday. I had a kid in my office from 7:50am until 3:10pm. And school hours are 8am until 3pm! I was out of my office, I know, less than 10 minutes all day long. I didn't get to fix anything to eat and bring it back to my desk until close to 1pm. And I am normally able to attempt to eat around 11:30 or so.

Hopefully, today will be better. I have heard that we have about 34 kids gone at the elementary and at least 10 at the high school. Mind you, I know that 4 of these kids are not sick, they have moved and we are just waiting until a transcript request has been received until we can drop them from the roll. I think the superintendent is looking at the numbers and trying to decide if he should close or not. I am hoping that we don't make the numbers and can stay open.

Yes, I would like to have the next couple days off, but I really don't want to have to make them up later. Besides that, we get out at noon on Thursday and are off Friday anyway because of parent/teacher conferences. And, the health department is supposed to be coming tomorrow afternoon to give the H1N1 vaccine to some of the kids.

My Little Little Brother is one of the ones sick at the high school. He left school yesterday and my mom took him to the doc. I told her that he needed to be checked for flu, strep and mono. His flu swab came back negative, as did the strep. However, the Physician Assistant who saw him (I am assuming she saw him because the doc was too busy) refused to have him tested for mono because "I don't want to put him through that."

Let me get this straight. You just shoved a giant q-tip up his nose nearly touching his brain to swab for the flu. And you gagged him to nearly the point of puking to swab for strep. But you don't want to put him through a quick stick for a vial of blood. Please. He is nearly 17 years old. I am certain he would rather have the blood drawn than the brain swab you just did.

So, he is still home not feeling well today. I am keeping my fingers crossed that The Boy continues on the path of good health. As for me and my Crazy Man....we are both attempting to stay healthy also. If anyone gets this stuff, I would assume it would be me since I am in constant contact with it all. And, I have not been able to find myself a flu shot.

When I sneezed this morning after getting to work, I was told that I am a mom and a nurse, so that is two reasons that I am not allowed to be sick. I didn't realize that was in the job description, but now that I think about it, I guess it is. After all, who is going to take care of me if I get sick?!

Still Waiting on That Deep Breath

I am still waiting for that minute of time where I can take a deep breath and just breathe! Guess I can get that later, huh?!

Yesterday I went to a mandatory meeting in which all program managers are required to attend to discuss our contract with the state. (I guess since they are the ones paying my salary I will do as I am told and attend!) Anyway, I did learn a few things of which I was not aware.

One was the fact that we evidently have an amazingly awesome janitor. How do I know this? Well, apparently there are tons of flu cases surrounding us, but none have made it into our school. I know that now that I say that, we will probably be having to close the doors for several days soon. I also learned that I am not the only one that has had to cancel their flu shot clinic because of no vaccine available from the local health department. And, I am not the only one who is curious as to why this is. Supposedly we will still be able to get the flu shots as soon as they get more, but they don't think that will be until the end of October or the beginning of November. Oh well. All we can do is wait and see what happens.

I also learned that I am not the only one who is feeling like I am so far behind that I have lapped myself. It seems that most of the ones that I talked to/heard from yesterday are feeling the same stress.

On a positive note, my friend's grandbaby has not only been released from NICU, but has also been released from the hospital period! This is a great thing! I tried to call last night, but didn't get a response, so can only assume that things are going well at home. I will talk to her and find out if it is ok to post a pic of the baby. I got a couple of really sweet pictures!

Now to The Boy. Yesterday he came home and told me that he had a test today in American History. But, he had not brought his book or anything else home to study. How does that happen?! He knows he has a test, but nothing to study by. I asked how he did on his recent Biology exam. He told me that he had gotten a "79 I think" on it. He wasn't very happy with that grade.

How did I feel about the grade? Well, let me explain my whole approach to grades. I don't care. Sounds callous, huh? Well, not really. What I don't care about is the actual grade itself. Don't get me wrong. I want my child to do well and to succeed in school. However, I don't care what the actual grade is. My thought is that if he has a 22% or a 102% as long as he worked hard and did the very best that he could do, I am happy. I want him to be happy with the grades he receives. Therefore, the grade is not what is important.

Now, am I happy with this grade. Nope. Why not? Because he did not do the best he could possibly do. I know this because he did not study. He did not one time bring home a book to open and just even fake that he was studying for the test! He is not happy with his grade, therefore I am not happy with his grade.

After having a looooong talk together, I think I have figured out part of the problem. He has a planner in which he is to write down his assignments/tests/etc. However, he has yet to do this. He tells me that he could write it down when he has a test, but unless he remembers to look at it, he would not bring home the stuff to study. He then goes on to say "this is all so hard. It is like I have a test in something almost everyday. Sometimes more than one test in a day." That comment is where I am taking my cue. I think he is becoming overwhelmed with all that is required of him.

Maybe I am wrong?? Anyone out there with a thought? I want to talk to his LD teacher, but she is gone today for a meeting, and is supposed to be back tomorrow. I just don't know what to do about it all.

I got his mid-quarter grades a week or two ago and he had an "A" in all subjects, but when he stresses about a 79% and he has not been studying for his tests, I am wondering just what is going on and if there is any thing else I should be doing.

I know to most parents that sounds really stupid. I am aware that most parents would be thrilled to see their child's report card that lists all A's. Especially if they could say their kid got those grades without studying. But for a child who doesn't study because he "forgets" and who did not have this type of problem at all until this school year, I am a little concerned.

Maybe I shouldn't be. But I am. And since I am his parent, I guess I have that right.

Mounds of Papers

I know I said that I would be able to post more since school started. I know. I know. And here it is Friday and this is the first post all week. I really try not to lie. But I feel like I did!

I am just now able to peek my way out from the mounds of paperwork that comes with starting school. Matter of fact, I had to move papers off my keyboard just to type this post! The word crazy just doesn't do this week justice! I would say that I hope it slows down a bit next week, but I am thinking that it is just getting started. It will slow down soon. I know this is true since I have been doing this for a while, but evidently I am able to block out the first week of school until I am having to re-live it all over again.

Yesterday I met the newest nurse at the other school I am in charge of. Hmmm. Not sure how that is going to go. Took my consultant with me to also meet her. The new nurse looks to have just graduated nursing school, and seemed to be getting more and more overwhelmed the more we talked and instructed her on what has to be done when and how. Matter of fact, at one point, she said "I didn't know I had to do all of this."

Now, don't get me wrong. I was a beginning nurse at one time so I know all about that. I know that she can do it. IF she wants to. And, I know that walking into a new job for the first time and getting the list of all my responsibilities is a daunting thing. BUT, usually when I got a new job, I knew ahead of time the general idea of the position. I don't think this girl had a single simple clue as to what she was signing up for. And for that reason, I don't know how long she will be around.

Her mom is the secretary at that school. I am afraid (now I don't know this for certain, so don't go spreading it around) that the mom told the girl "all you have to do is sit in an office, play on the computer, and wait for some kid to need a band-aid. easy money."

As my superintendent said, "time will tell." I just hope she doesn't go to her mom and tell her what all she was told she would have to do and the mom say that I was just trying to scare her off. Trust me. I want someone OTHER THAN me there to work with her mom. I am not going to scare her off on purpose!

In other news.....

The Boy is doing very well in school. He is in the newest class called Transitions and that is the one class he seems to have something to say about everyday. He even ranked it as one of his top three favorite classes! The other top two are FACS (which is what I called Home Ec when I went to school) and Biology 1. He says that he can't say which is he likes the best because they are all three his favorites so far. His least favorite is English. Of course, that makes sense since he has the written expression deficit.

We are supposed to be having his IEP meeting by the end of August I think. I haven't gotten the final invite yet, so I am not positive about the actual date. I am kind of worried that The Boy's father is going to show up and complain about the Transitions class. I am worried that he will pitch fits that he doesn't need a class like that and that he should be taking something else. And when that happens, he will tell The Boy and that will get him down on the class too. Last year, the man showed up to an IEP meeting for the first time ever. He showed himself then, but luckily, the staff there knew who knows what is going on with The Boy.

I know that Gin commented on my last post that her son will be going to the same school that his dad is employed. I am assuming that he also has an IEP. I just wondered if his father attended the IEP meetings and if he has the same problems that I have. The specific problem I have is that it sometimes seems as though the school can't look past the fact that I am not an employee at the IEP meeting...I am a parent. Is it just this school (because I know it isn't just me, since there are other parent/employees here with special needs kids) or is it like that everywhere?

I will surely vent about his upcoming IEP meeting here after it takes place!

Okay. I have got to crawl back under my stacks of paperwork if I am going to be able to leave for home sometime today. If I keep working at it, then one of these first days I will be through it and will be able to wipe it from my mind so that I can be totally shocked and surprised by it all again next school year!

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

Well, school is back in session, so I should be able to post here more often than I was able to do during the summer. We started back yesterday. Actually, I started back on Monday, but yesterday was the first day the kids all returned. So far, so good I guess!

The other school that I am in charge of as the nurse has had a change in nurses. So, I will be trying to teach that nurse what she has to do, how she has to do it and when it has to be done according to the state contract. Not sure how it will work out since she is the daughter of the secretary over there. Could be for a fun time!

The Boy started his Freshman year yesterday. He is looking forward to some of the classes and not so much the others. One new thing he is enrolled in the year is called "Transitions". This is brand new to the school and the teacher is one of his LD teachers. She told me that the kids enrolled would be learning things they would be needing to know to live on their own in the future. She has already gotten them set up to do some laundry and run a copy center for the high school. She has said that one thing she would really like for them to be able to do is to cook a meal for the school board one evening. I think this will really help The Boy's confidence/self esteem and it will hopefully help me to feel more comfortable in leaving him home alone for more than just a tiny bit at a time. I guess we will both be learning something this year!

The Boy is worried about English (which is normal since he has written expression difficulties) and Math. Not sure why he is so worried about math since they are allowed to use a scientific calculator and he is a whiz when it comes to that. (Me, on the other hand....have no clue what to do with a scientific calculator!) He is looking forward to Biology I. At least I think he is. I think what has us both the most worried is that he has some new teachers that he has never had to deal with before and we aren't sure what to expect. Once he settles into the routine of his classes, I think he will be just fine.

Ziggy was taken back to the vet again. I'm about to get tired of that! He has his third UTI since the middle of June. They gave him another shot of antibiotics and we are trying a special food they say will help. I don't know what to do if tis doesn't help. He is about to cost me as much in medical as The Boy this year!

It is time to go home, but I wanted to leave this post since it has been a while. Plus it helps me to just write sometimes. If others are still out there reading, then that is good too!