The prompt that I chose reads: Where does that fear come from? Write about something that frightens you that other people might find ridiculous. Write about it in a poem, a story, or whatever.
I have a crazy fear of funerals. Well, not really the actual funeral, just portions of it. I know that most people don't like to attend funerals. Although if you do, then I can only assume that you are a mortician or something along those lines.
Anyway, when you go to a funeral, you hope that whoever dealt with the body was able to make your dearly departed look as though they are just sleeping. I am not sure why this is the case, but you never hear anyone say that they want to look horrid at their own funeral. But, the thing is that if they make them look as if they are just taking a nap, that is when my mind starts to play tricks on me. Because when the funeral director closes the lid I begin to panic and freak out.
How did I arrive at this fear? Well, I didn't even know that I had the fear until I was at my uncle's funeral several years ago and I had the misfortune to witness the closing and sealing of the casket.
Now, when I go to a funeral, I keep my fingers crossed that the lid will be closed when I am not looking. Crazy, huh? I know the body is still inside, but unless I actually witness the lid closing I am fine.
Another fear that I have about funerals was discovered this past November. We had been at a visitation for around six hours and was finally leaving for the night to get something to eat and then get some rest so we could return the following morning for the funeral. I rode with my husband planning to leave my car at the funeral home and return to get it after eating.
Simple enough, huh? Not really. Because when I got back to get my car, I couldn't make myself get into it and leave. I just had a major meltdown and started to cry. After several minutes, I was able to verbalize just what it was that was causing the episode.
The irrational fear was that everyone had just left the funeral home. How can people just pick up their stuff and leave their loved one in that place? Alone? They have been a mom, a dad, a sibling, a friend, a husband or a wife for many years. And it is doubtful that anyone had ever just walked away from them without telling them that they were loved or even just a simple 'see ya later'. But this had happened. And I lost it.
Another fear of the funeral stuff occurs in the cemetery. I have to walk several feet away from in front of the stone or directly behind the stone. If I don't do it that way, then I feel as though I am walking on someone. And that is just wrong.
All of these things give me nightmares for weeks when I attend a funeral. Even just a visitation will usually set off the nightmares. For that matter, I will probably have nightmares tonight just because I brought this to the forefront of my mind. Talking about them makes me want to cry.
I know that these fears are totally irrational. And most people look at me like I am totally crazy when I verbalize them. But even though my mind knows it is a little on the nutty side, my heart has yet to be convinced.
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